Monday, August 21, 2006

Blog Readership

While I was at the party on Saturday night, someone mentioned to me that she reads my blog sometimes. Now, for most bloggers, I’m sure this would be a bit of a boost to the ol’ ego.

But for me, it just makes me more self-conscious. If I let myself think about it, when I’m writing, I’m sitting here thinking “I wonder what Person X will think, when they read this? Will Person Y think I’m an idiot? (Or… think I’m a bigger idiot than they already thought I was?)”

It makes me glad I never put a hit-counter on the site! What if I really have a huge readership, and don’t even know it? What if there are thousands of people coming here every single day, reading what I have to say? Or millions?

Well, if that’s the case, here are the consequences I can think of:

  • Because of my political views, people reading my blog will get fed up with the world situation, and President George W. Bush will be impeached, and tried for his war crimes. (Also, Rumsfeld—and anyone else who was involved—will be tried for the same crimes Saddam is currently being tried for, since Saddam did everything he did with explicit American aid and approval.)
  • Also because of my political views, the Conservatives will lose the next Canadian election. We’ll end up with an NDP majority, and a Green minority. Or vice versa; we’ll see what I end up writing before the next election. (Not that I wrote too much before the last one.)
  • Because of my eloquent movie reviews, book reviews, and whatever-else reviews, the entertainment industry will dramatically change, and stop producing crap. Only good movies will get made, because people will stop going to see the bad ones, and only good books will get published, because people will stop buying the bad ones. (I say “published”, not “written”, because I know that there is no force on Earth that can stop bad writers from writing bad writing. From a couple of places I can’t cite, I know that a lot of really bad writing comes across the desks of agents and publishers and other places. My blog is [potentially] powerful, but no blog is that powerful.) There would probably also be a slew of movies made with the title Coffee and Aspirin. (Do you like it when I make obscure references to my own blog? No? Oh.)
  • Based on the awe-inspiring pictures I’ve been taking, there will be a sudden influx of tourism to Penetanguishene, Arnprior, and Ottawa. Oh, and also Licks will get a lot more business.
  • Everyone will read the Bible. One chapter every weekday. (Or… as often as I update that site, anyway.)