Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Home Studio Software

I don’t know if we’ll ever do it, but Andrea and I sort of have a dream of starting our own home studio, once we get the basement finished and soundproofed. Not for professional use, I don’t think, just for our own use. Recording the choir, and that kind of thing.

And I got to thinking: There is an open-source image editing program, called GIMP, which is an alternative to Photoshop, so I wondered if there was a similar open-source product as an alternative to Cubase. And it turns out that there are some. My quick research turned up the following:

  • There is a program called Rosegarden, which runs on Linux, and is directly comparable to Cubase. (When I say “directly comparable” to Cubase, I don’t mean that it can do everything that Cubase can do; I just mean that that’s what they’re aiming for. I’d imagine that Cubase still has a lot of features that Rosegardoen doesn’t have.)
  • There is another program called Ardour, which also runs on Linux. I don’t think—based on very quick research—that it’s directly comparable to Cubase; I think they might have a different approach to some things. But it may or may not be more stable than Rosegarden. (Again, based on very little research.)
  • There is actually a version of Ubuntu, called Ubuntu Studio, which is specifically geared toward—and tuned for—people who create multimedia content, such as audio and video. As mentioned, it’s specifically tuned for this type of activity, but it also comes with appropriate software. (For example, it comes with Ardour.)
Not that I’ll need any of these tools any time soon, but it’s interesting to know that they exist. And if I ever wanted to throw together a quick song, I could download some software and get to work, without having to spend thousands of dollars. Actually, that’s not true; I’d still need things like microphones, and maybe a mixer board. Just the software would be free.

Nothing to say, nothing to write

It’s one of those days when I have some free time, and feel like writing in my blog, but have nothing to say. (These days, having nothing to say actually prevents me from writing here—which didn’t use to be the case!)

My bladder problems are ongoing… sort of. The doctor has put me on some kind of pills that are supposed to relax the bladder, or something. (I know what you’re thinking and no, I haven’t peed my pants. Yet.) After a bit of confusion, they seem to be working. (He put me on the pills because my bladder doesn’t completely empty, when I go—but when I looked at the instructions with the pills, the first thing that was stated is that you shouldn’t take these pills if your bladder doesn’t empty properly! But he confirmed that yes, these really are the pills he wants me to take.)

I’m pretty tired, because I had an all-nighter last Wednesday, as well as an all-nighter on Saturday night, because of a deployment. Plus the fact that last week was pretty lousy, which always tires a person out. But yesterday was pretty quiet, and I’m hoping that means that this entire week will be, too. (I have nothing to base that on, except for hopefulness.)

Monday, March 17, 2008

Please use your imagination to come up with a clever title for this post, because serna doesn’t have the energy

I know, I know, I haven’t posted lately. If I had any readers, they’d be annoyed with me. (Or maybe they’d just miss me.) (Wow, déjà vu! I’m sure I’ve written that—or something very similar—before. Actually, it’s not déjà vu; I’m just not very creative, so I keep writing the same things over and over…)

Let me just say that it was a long, lousy, frustrating week last week. And I’m really hoping and praying that this week won’t be more of the same. But I can’t tell you why, because it’s all work-related, and I’m trying to maintain my policy of not writing about work.

But I do have one piece of good news: I haven’t yet been sued, for my Maya Rudolph post. I did get one instant message, from someone telling me that it was weird, but no lawyers have sent “cease and desist” letters yet.

Oh, actually, one more piece of good news: I got Ubuntu up and running on my new work laptop. And it’s working very well.

Friday, March 07, 2008

Maya Rudolph

Note: If you don’t watch SNL, you might as well skip this post. It’s probably going to feel too inside-joke-ish to you.

Remember way back in March of 2005, when I wrote that I very much admired Maya Rudolph, but that I was too lazy to write a long post about her? No? You didn’t read my blog back then? Oh. Well, that’s unders— What’s that? You say nobody read my blog back then? Now that’s just cruel. You don’t have to be such a jerk about it.

Anyway, it appears that Maya has left Saturday Night Live, which is too bad, because she was my favourite player on the show, by far. I have a feeling she may have been under-rated, because she didn’t steal the show—at least, not when it wasn’t called for—but she is an incredibly talented woman.

But I’m also sad that she’s gone because I had a secret hope that I’d get a chance to host SNL—but host it the week after she’d left. I had some ideas for skits (and some jokes that people might consider meta-jokes) that I could have used. For example, pretend that Beyoncé Knowles was the musical guest; my opening monologue might go something like this:

  • If you’ve seen SNL, you know the drill. As the opening credits are finishing, the camera cuts to the studio stage. The band finishes playing the theme music, and serna comes out, to no applause whatsoever.
  • serna
  • Thank you! Thank you! Thank you very much! Thank you! You’re too kind! Thank you!
  • Cut to the audience, who are exceptionally still and quiet. (Not to mention seated.)
  • serna
  • (continuing)
  • No really, thank you! Thank you very much!
  • (starting to clue in)
  • I… uh… I still have three or four more cue cards of this. Hank, can we skip through this part?
  • Cut to cue card guy, who starts quickly discarding cue cards that say things like “Thank you! Thank you very much!” etc. Cut back to serna.
  • serna
  • It’s great to be here, hosting Saturday Night Live! I know that I’m not famous or anything, so there’s no real reason I should be hosting the show. In fact, you guys must be pretty disappointed, eh?
  • Cut to audience, still completely still, and then back to serna
  • serna
  • Ahem. But anyway, it’s always been a dream of mine to host a mediocre variety show, which is deeply in denial of its own imminent demise.
  • (embarrassed)
  • Wait… sorry. Hank, my mistake, that line was from my earlier draft of the monologue. I’d meant to take it out before I actually went on the air. Our cue card guy, Hank, everybody.
  • Cut to cue card guy again.
  • Cue Card Guy
  • My name is Steve.
  • Cut back to serna.
  • serna
  • Oh sorry! Steve.
  • Anyway, it really is a thrill to be hosting the show. I’ve wanted to host the show for years, and all because I wanted to meet one very special, very talented woman. Come on out here!
  • Beyoncé comes on stage, to much applause.
  • serna
  • (as applause dies down)
  • Maya Rudolph, everyone! Maya Rudolph!
  • Beyoncé is surprised; she isn’t quite sure how to handle this.
  • Beyoncé
  • I’m not Maya, I’m Beyoncé Knowles.
  • serna
  • (pleased as punch)
  • I know! You look just like her!
  • Beyoncé
  • No, I really am Beyoncé.
  • serna
  • (disappointed)
  • Oh.
  • (trying to pull it together / fake enthusiasm)
  • Well… Beyoncé Knowles, everyone! The inspiration for one of Maya’s best imitations! But, um…
  • (aside, to Beyoncé)
  • Where’s Maya?
  • Beyoncé
  • (breaking it to him gently)
  • I’m sorry, serna, but Maya has left the show.
  • serna
  • (trying to take it as a joke, but afraid that she might not be joking)
  • Haha! Ha! Good one Beyoncé Knowles. No, but really, can you bring Maya out?
  • (getting more desperate)
  • Beyoncé? Lorne? Hank?
  • Offstage voice: “It’s Steve!” (Note to self: This joke would probably be cut, to make the script tighter. Maybe the whole cue card guy thing would be cut altogether.)
  • Various SNL cast members come on stage, to comfort serna. And maybe, just maybe, to find some peace themselves, in this troubled time.
  • Fred Armison
  • We’re all going to miss her, serna. Our cast is like a family; losing Maya is like losing a sister. A really hot sister. A sister that I wouldn’t have, you know, minded, if she’d come into my dressing room and started kissing me.
  • serna
  • Isn’t she married?
  • Fred Armison
  • Look, the point is, we’re going to miss her.
  • Amy Poehler
  • That’s right, serna. We really will.
  • (aside, to Fred)
  • And sometimes she did come into my dressing room, and start kissing me.
  • Fred looks surprised, and Seth Meyers looks like he wants to hear more. (I don’t know how one looks like one wants to hear more, but he’ll have to try…)
  • Amy
  • But even though Maya is gone, we still have many good shows ahead of us! There’s all kinds of talented people on the staff!
  • serna
  • Really? Name one.
  • Amy
  • (a bit taken aback)
  • Oh! Uh… well, there’s the other female cast members. Some of whom used to work with Maya on a regular basis, and whom the audience might find attractive. (flicks hair) Cute, one might say. Or perky. What about them?
  • serna
  • (still dejected)
  • No. They’re not nearly as good as Maya.
  • Amy
  • (as only Amy Poehler could deliver a line like this (in fact, she’d probably rewrite it))
  • Oh. Yes. I see. No, we’re not as good, are we?
  • serna
  • (forlorn. or maybe despondent. yeah, despondent is better.)
  • It’s hopeless! Maya’s gone, and the show is ruined! How can we possibly go on now?!?
  • To great applause, a big celebrity (and friend of the show) comes on stage. I’m guessing Steve Martin. Or Mike Myers? Or maybe Chevy Chase…
  • Celebrity Guest
  • Now serna, don’t be like that!
  • serna
  • Steve Martin! (Or Mike Myers, or Chevy Chase, or whoever) What are you doing here?
  • Celebrity Guest
  • I’m here to tell you that the show can go on, even when it loses a valuable cast member. For you see…
  • Large musical number here, which serna would need help writing, because he’s not much of a one for writing large musical numbers. Actually, someone else should probably write it.
  • Celebrity Host
  • So do you see serna?
  • serna
  • Yeah [celebrity host]! I do see!
  • Celebrity Host
  • And do you think we can do a great show, even without Maya Rudolph?
  • serna
  • Well… No, not really. But we’re all here, so we have to so something, right gang?
  • Rest of the Cast
  • (all together)
  • Yeah! Right! You bet! Jerkass! We can do it!
  • serna
  • (to audience/camera)
  • We have a great… ish… show, everyone! Beyoncé Knowles is here! (large applause) Stick around, we’ll be right back!
  • Cut to… oh, let’s say a commercial parody.
I don’t know if anyone uses the phrase “pleased as punch” in the 21st Century, but it doesn’t matter, it’s just a stage direction.

Obviously, in order to do a sketch like this, the rest of the cast would have to buy into it, and be cool about it. It’s very cruel to them, even though they’re all very talented. But we’d have to play it like I think they’re lousy, in comparison to Maya.

But once we’d opened the show like that, it would open us up to other possibilities for sketches, that could build on the theme. For example…
  • INT: A college dormitory common area. serna, Seth Meyers, and Kenan Thompson are sitting around.
  • Seth
  • Dude, can you believe that game? You played terribly!
  • He and serna laugh.
  • Kenan
  • Maybe so, but you cheerleaders weren’t exactly on your game, either!
  • Seth
  • (defensive)
  • We were breaking in some new girls! Sometimes it takes a few weeks for them to feel comfortable…
  • Voice from the Control Room
  • serna, can you come to the control room for a minute?
  • serna
  • Uh… but we’re in the middle of a sketch.
  • Voice from the Control Room
  • We have a surprise for you.
  • serna’s eyes light up
  • serna
  • Maya!
  • serna runs off stage, presumably toward the control room.
  • Seth and Kenan are at a loss; now what are they supposed to do?
  • Seth
  • Can you believe that?
  • Kenan
  • What are you going to do. He’s not a real actor; you can’t expect professionalism from him.
  • They sit around for a few more moments.
  • Kenan
  • So… you wanna get drunk?
  • Seth
  • I already am.
  • Cut to serna, making his way into the control room. Lorne Michaels is there, and so is someone with her back to the camera. (We’d have to figure out how to stage this, so that it wouldn’t look silly…)
  • serna
  • Hey Lorne! What’s up?
  • Lorne
  • It’s “Mr. Michaels.” I wish you’d remember that.
  • serna
  • Sorry! Mr. Michaels. What’s going on?
  • Lorne
  • I have someone here that you might like to meet.
  • Woman turns around; it’s Oprah Winfrey.
  • Oprah
  • (waits for applause to die down)
  • Hi serna.
  • serna
  • Maya! It’s you!
  • Oprah
  • (annoyed)
  • No, serna, it’s me. Oprah Winfrey. Lorne thought I could talk with you about your Maya issues, and maybe help you continue with the show.
  • serna
  • (disappointed)
  • Oh. Well… thanks, Oprah, but that’s okay. I’ll be alright.
  • Mr. Michaels, I’m just going to go to my dressing room, and get ready for my next sketch.
  • Lorne
  • We didn’t give you a dressing room. You’re not a celebrity.
  • serna
  • Right, sorry, I mean the men’s room on the third floor.
  • (as he heads out the door)
  • I hope nobody stole my wallet. I’ll need bus fare to get home after the show…
  • Scene ends with some kind of awkward dialogue between Lorne and Oprah, which serna hasn’t written yet, because he doesn’t have a team of writers helping him with this.
Now, I know what you’re thinking: “But serna, that’s just the same premise that you used in the opening monologue! What, do you only have one joke that you recycle in every sketch?” But having done the joke twice, it sets us up for this sketch…
  • INT: Wherever it is in the NBC studio where the cast and union members might grab a quick snack, between sketches. serna is grabbing something off of the snack table, and Maya Rudolph approaches.
  • Maya
  • (waiting for applause to die down)
  • Hi serna. How’s the show going so far?
  • serna
  • (barely registering her presence)
  • Oh, hi Whitney. It’s alright, I guess.
  • Maya
  • Whitney?!? It’s me, Maya!
  • serna
  • (still not overly interested in the conversation)
  • Look, Ms. Houston, I appreciate you coming here to try and cheer me up, but I can tell it’s you. You don’t even look like her! Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get dressed for the next sketch.
  • serna leaves the scene, leaving Maya dumbfounded.
Surely you can see the potential for comedy gold! (I’m also foreseeing a sketch when I suddenly seem to have forgotten my lines, and I call out “line!” To which Steve the cue card guy says, “Not until you remember my name!” But it would have to be worked into a sketch that could have its flow interrupted like that, which isn’t really likely.)

But now it’s too late. (Even if they called me today, and asked me to host the March 16th show, it would be too late; TV audiences are fickle, and they’d have forgotten Maya by then.)

Incidentally, this post is just me goofing off. I’m not secretly hoping that SNL will be impressed with me, and ask me to host the show. (Neither do I think that I have amazing talent as a comedy writer.) I am, however, not-so-secretly hoping that I won’t get sued for this. I don’t know what in this post would be actionable, but I’m betting that the lawyers could find some reason…

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Wikipedia—again!

Try to contain your surprise: serna is writing about Wikipedia again. (Even though I just obsessively mentioned them, again, in my post on Wikinomics on the Book Blog.) Except that this time it’s not about the site itself; it almost feels more like gossip. I read this post on Wired today, and wasn’t sure how to take it. Does this add fuel to the fire, in my negative feelings about Wikipedia? Or—as I’m sort of leaning toward—does it have nothing to do with it? Definitely, the personal problems of the guy who leads the company have nothing to do with my problems with Wikipedia, although the way that Marsden got her entry changed might.

But one ray of hope is that if Wales leaves—although there is no indication that he would—then maybe Wikipedia might start to change their direction a bit. Why would they possibly want to alter their methodology, a wee bit? If you haven’t been keeping track, here are some issues that Wikipedia has—which may or may not outweigh the advantages that Wikipedia has:

Wait a minute… I’m writing a post about something that I write about on a regular basis, and quoting my post about Wikinomics on the Book Blog? Why do I have a sense of déjà vu?

“Dear Hollywood Studios: Let My Video Go”

Recently I wrote a rant about how NBC just doesn’t “get it’’ when it comes to distributing content online. And then, in my Book Blog, when I wrote about the book Wikinomics, I mentioned the fact that record companies don’t “get it’’ when it comes to distributing content either.

Today I read an opinion piece on Wired along the same lines: Dear Hollywood Studios: Let My Video Go.

Monday, March 03, 2008

zombieferna

This is another pot pourri post. Sorry for that, but I can’t focus my brain well enough to concentrate on putting together a coherent post.

We had a deployment Saturday night/Sunday morning. It failed. So we got a couple of hours of sleep, had a conference call to discuss it, and decided to try again Sunday night. Which we did. So right now, I’m very tired.

I went to the doctor today, to discuss my recent health issues. He no longer thinks the issue is with my prostate, so he’s taken me off of the pills. He’s given me a new set of pills, which are supposed to relax the bladder, and if that doesn’t work, then we’ll just give up. It’s not a huge issue anyway; if my bladder isn’t completely emptying, it’s not going to cause any great harm. (Except an increased risk of future bladder infections—which is what started this all in the first place.)

Incidentally, I know you’ve all missed reading about my bladder, for the last month or so. So now that I’ve written about it again, let me just say, from the bottom of my heart: You’re welcome.

I don’t think I’ve mentioned it before, but I love the new Amy Winehouse CD, Back to Black. (Well, it’s probably not considered “new” anymore, but I’ll keep calling it “new” until I have a newer one.) She’s a great singer, and the album was also put together very well. I spent a few minutes on YouTube today, watching some of the videos.

Speaking of time I spent today on excellent media, I also spent some time on the Jehovah Shalom website, listening to some of our music. (And it’s great, let me tell you.) I’m thinking—since Andrea and I maintain that site—that it might be a good idea to upload our MP3 files to the Internet Archive, and just linking to it from the JS website, instead of taking up our own web server storage space with the files.

This was prompted by the work I’m doing on my church’s website, since I’ll probably be putting our sermons online, too. (Not that I’ve started the web site, yet; I’ve just given my pastor some samples that he can look at, to provide feedback.) I think I’ll be using Wordpress for the site, but there’s one thing about Wordpress that really annoys me: It won’t let me use certain HTML elements. That means that I can’t do things like put a Google map on the site, or embed audio from the Internet Archive, etc.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Windows Live SkyDrive

I’ve been writing online love letters to Google, lately, so I guess it’s Microsoft’s turn. And, as usual, this product may have been available for a long time, but I just found out about it today.

Microsoft has introduced Windows Live SkyDrive, which is a document storage service. They’re currently providing up to 5GB of space for free, which is pretty good, but I believe you can pay for additional space, too, if you need it. If I’d known about this a while ago, I could have put it to use, although there isn’t currently anything that I need to store online. (Except for the documents I have in Google Docs, for which storage is a non-issue.)

There are rumours that Google will be introducing a similar service, called Google Drive or something, but I don’t think they have yet done so. (Or they might have introduced it to a select number of GMail users.)

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

RUTR 2008

Roll Up The Rim season is upon us again, and, as is my wont, I’ve started a spreadsheet, to tally my winnings.

My spreadsheets are getting cooler and cooler with every passing year: the first year I used Excel to build it, with a nice pie chart; the second year, because I was in love with OpenOffice—not that I’m out of love with OpenOffice now—I used Calc to create my spreadsheet; this year, I’m using Google Docs to create my spreadsheet. (Actually, Google Docs allowed me to import the Calc spreadsheet from last year, so all I had to do was modify it for 2008, instead of creating it from scratch.)

At the end of the year, instead of posting my chart here—or maybe in addition to posting it here—I can simply link to the spreadsheet online, and you can go and check the math yourself. (Because, again, I know my readers—they love checking my math…)

I’m on training this week

Wikked Lil' Grrrl says:
So how's that training thing going?

sernaferna says:
Bah.

sernaferna says:
It's so s.l.o.w.

Wikked Lil' Grrrl says:
What's the subject?

sernaferna says:
ALBPM

sernaferna says:


Wikked Lil' Grrrl says:
Is that dyslexic-talk for pablum? are you having a training session on baby food?

sernaferna says:
Yep. That's why it's so boring.

Wikked Lil' Grrrl says:
You should just smear baby food on your face during the session

sernaferna says:
I already have. The instructor had to take a couple of hours to explain that, no, the food goes into that hole on the front of your face.

(It's called a "mouth" - that will be on the exam.)


Wikked Lil' Grrrl says:
As opposed to the hole at the other end. Which is called a hoop.

Wikked Lil' Grrrl says:
Or a sphincter.

sernaferna says:
a hoop?

Wikked Lil' Grrrl says:
Y'know... the brown hoop of happiness?



sernaferna says:
lol

I hadn't heard that phrase before. I've learned something new.


sernaferna says:
BTW, do you mind if i post this conversation?

Monday, February 25, 2008

Charcoal

I tried to make beef stew on Saturday. It’s a very easy recipe, that my parents gave me years ago; two pounds of stewing beef, carrots, celery, potatoes, two cups of V8 juice, three tablespoons of tapioca (to make it a bit thicker), a bit of sugar and some salt—throw it all into a roasting pan, and put it in the oven at 250° for 4–6 hours.

Unfortunately, I misread the instructions, and I put the oven at 450° instead of 250°. The smell of smoke was very gradual, so I didn’t notice anything was wrong for three hours. By that time, when I pulled the pan out of the oven, the food was just charcoal. And that’s not an exaggeration; there was nothing left but carbon.

I think the pan is useless now.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

U.S. Shooting Down a Spy Satellite

As you may already have heard, the U.S. has a malfunctioning spy satellite, and they’ve decided to shoot it down. They’re afraid that it’s going to come crashing down on its own, and perhaps release some toxic gas in the process.

Unfortunately, I just found out today where the debris will be coming down, when they shoot that satellite down: Canada. The Great White North. My F’ing country. The U.S. is going to shoot down a spy satellite, and the pieces are going to land on me and my countrymen.

Monday, February 18, 2008

NBC clamps down on SNL videos

I haven’t posted a rant in a while, so I should remedy that. This is way, way behind the times—in fact, it’s almost the one year anniversary of the article I’m linking to—but I didn’t read about it until today.

I was on YouTube, looking for Saturday Night Live videos, and I was only able to find one—and a very old one, at that. (Favourite line from the clip: “My husband, thank God, was killed instantly.”) There might have been more, buried in there somewhere, but I couldn’t find them. While I was there, I was reminded about the “I Need More Cowbell” skit, and ashamed that I haven’t posted it to my blog yet. I figured I might have more luck with a more detailed search, but that skit wasn’t on YouTube either.

This started to make me suspicious; has NBC clamped down on their videos? And yes, in fact, that’s exactly what they’ve done. (See? The article was from February 20th, 2006. I told you I was behind the times.) I can’t believe how amazingly short-sighted they would be, to do this. Especially since— well, let me quote the article:

Several online commentators noted that NBC’s response to YouTube, while legally justified, may have been short-sighted. The online popularity of “Lazy Sunday” has been credited with reviving interest in “Saturday Night Live” at a time when it is in need of some buzz.
To say the least! SNL had been pretty lousy, for a long time, and the Digital Shorts were bringing it new life, and a new audience. Think how many new viewers they would have had the Saturday after Lazy Sunday was posted, from people who’d seen it on YouTube, and were looking for more of the same.

Unfortunately, when faced with the unknown, the lawyers did what lawyers do. Not only did they have the videos removed from YouTube and Google Video, but, according to a complaint I read from someone (in the comments of NBC’s SNL site), they also removed them from iTunes. Yes, that’s right, you can’t even buy SNL clips anymore.

“Okay,” I’m thinking to myself, “that probably means they want to drive more traffic to their website. I know they have videos there.” So I go to the NBC website for SNL, and they add insult to injury; the site is terrible.
  • The site is tortoiselike.
  • When you go to their videos section, there is a default video, which starts to play automatically. (After the wait—did I mention how slow the site is?) Unfortunately, the default video doesn’t exist—it plays a commercial, and then puts up a message, saying that the clip I’ve “selected” isn’t available in my “location”. Wherever my location might be. (Maybe they detected that I’m in Canada, and they don’t show their videos to Canadians?)
  • There is no search feature. Looking for a particular video? Too bad. You’ll have to laboriously go through their archives. (And don’t forget the word of the day: tortoiselike. Click a link, and go get a coffee while you wait for the page to reload.) And if you go through the videos, and find one that you want? Watch another commercial, and then find out that the video is not available in your area.
  • After going through all of the videos for the 2000’s, and then all of the videos for Christopher Walken, they don’t have the cowbell video anyway. Such a popular SNL skit that it spawned a pop culture catch phrase, but they don’t have the video. They have one hundred and ninety-nine videos from the 2000’s, including a whole bunch that aren’t worth wasting your time on, but they don’t have that one. (You can find it online, on some sites—do a search—although maybe not for long.)
Maybe I should stay off the internet today, in case I find something else to make me angry. Then again, it’s “Family Day”, and half the people I work with are off today, so I don’t have as much to do as usual—so I’ll probably be online for a good portion of the day.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

I found a trailer for the new Indiana Jones movie, coming out in May.


Wait… no, sorry. That wasn’t it. This is it:

If serna loves the internet so much, why doesn’t he marry it?

Actually, I’m already married. If I were to marry the internet, it would be polygamy, and I’d have to move to Utah. But I don’t want to live in the States. And, frankly, by the time Andrea gets tired of me, and boots me out of the house, the internet will probably have found some other lucky guy to marry.

I recently wrote two sappy “I love Google” posts (here and here). Well, I was doing some random surfing today, and I came across a whole bunch of cool things to write about. So here I go again. But I promise: These aren’t Google technologies. Well… actually, yeah, some of them are.

I’ve previously mentioned an instant messaging client called Pidgin. It’s a single client that can connect you to many different IM services; MSN Messenger (now called Windows Live Messenger), AIM, IRC, etc. (I wanted to write about the name changes to the Pidgin software, but I talked myself out of it, because of irrelevancy. You can read about it on Wikipedia, if you care.) I came across Pidgin because it came installed with Ubuntu, and I’ve found it very useful, even on Windows.

Well, a website called meebo.com has been introduced, which builds on the Pidgin libraries, and provides instant messaging from the web. (I don’t actually know how recent it is; I’m always behind the curve on new internet fads and tools. According to the “about” page, they launched in 2005—although that doesn’t mean they had any users.) Can’t install an instant messaging client on your computer? (Or you’re on someone else’s computer, and need to have a quick IM session, but don’t want to—or don’t have time to—install Pidgin on their computer?) Log onto meebo.com, and away you go. I haven’t actually used it, yet, but I’m sure I will, just to try it out.

I encountered meebo.com when I was reading about gOS. The gOS operating system—which is based on Ubuntu—doesn’t include many applications on the hard disk; instead, it uses Web 2.0 and AJAX for its applications. Where Ubuntu includes OpenOffice.org as an office suite, gOS uses Google Docs; where Ubuntu comes with Pidgin, gOS uses meebo.com; where Ubuntu comes with Evolution, gOS uses Gmail, Google Calendar, and Google News. This means that gOS takes up a lot less hard disk space than Ubuntu, since there’s not only less software installed, there’s also less need of storing documents—they’re all stored on the web.

That being said, there is also promise that applications will be able to use Google Gears technology, to make web applications available offline, so if you installed gOS on a laptop, you’d still be able to do some things without an internet connection. I don’t think this is 100% ready yet; you probably can’t yet edit a spreadsheet on Google Docs without an internet connection. But it’s coming; Google Reader uses Gears, and they’re working on it for Google Docs.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Blogs

If I have any regular readers left—I don’t make the assumption that I do—they probably grit their teeth and swear silently every time I wrote a blog post about blogs, or blogging, or bloggers. Luckily, when I write this blog, I only write it for my own benefit, not my readers’, so I don’t have to suffer any unnecessary feelings of guilt for posting this. (Also, I’m including a pie chart, and experience has proven that my blog readers love pie charts. So that should shut ’em up.)

There are currently six blogs that I follow actively, in my Live Bookmarks. (I haven’t yet started using services like del.icio.us. I’m always behind the curve on stuff like that.) Unfortunately, all six of those blogs seem to be in a slump lately; nobody’s posting. (To be fair, one of those bloggers specifically mentioned that she wouldn’t be posting for a while, so I’m not expecting anything from her.) So I decided it was time, once again, to start using Blogger’s Next Blog feature, and go through random blogs, in search of something interesting. Here’s what I found:

blogs

Sometimes I get lucky, but this time I didn’t. (Maybe I should start using del.icio.us, to find interesting new blogs…) I’m starting to wish that there was a way to tell the Next Blog feature that I only want English blogs, so that my graphs wouldn’t get so skewed—there are way more non-English-speaking people in the world than English-speaking people, so it shouldn’t surprise me that there are more non-English blogs than English blogs.

You can’t tell the numbers from the chart above—I forgot to include them, and closed the spreadsheet before I thought of it—but there was just one blog that I “just couldn’t explain”, and it was a blog called Microsoft Outlook 2007. (I probably shouldn’t be driving traffic to it, but oh well. Since I’m assuming I don’t have any regular readers, it means I won’t drive much traffic to it.)

Learn French!

Since I’ve decided to learn Spanish, and am meaning to brush up my French skills, a coworker sent me this:

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

I might learn to speak Spanish / Podría aprender a hablar español

I did something which has the potential to be very interesting, but also has the potential to be a big waste of my money: I bought a course which is supposed to teach the basics of Spanish. Only time will tell if it’ll be good.

Incidentally, I used Google Translate to get the Spanish version of this post’s title—there’s a good chance that it’s just gibberish, and not proper Spanish grammar.

Monday, February 11, 2008

“Jumbo”?!?

I went to the cafeteria for lunch today, and saw that the lunch special was a “jumbo hot dog”, with fries and a pop. And this is what I got:

Jumbo

And I ask you: Does this piddly little dog qualify as “jumbo”, or did I get ripped off?

Friday, February 08, 2008

“I love Google” addendum: Google Translate

There was another Google tool that I forgot to mention in my last post, which I just recently discovered: Google Translate. The way that it works is very similar to Babel Fish, which I’ve been using for years. You can paste in a chunk of text, or give it a URL, tell it what language the original text is in and what language you want it translated to, and it will translate it for you.

In both cases, Google Translate and Babel Fish, the results are pretty good. I’ve been told that some translations work better than others; I typically just translate from French to English, and it works pretty well, from what I’ve seen.

But of course, Google wouldn’t introduce a new service unless they could improve on the old one, would they? There is one very cool addition, that Google Translate offers: If you don’t like the way that it translates something, you can offer your own suggestions! Translation is a notoriously difficult thing to automate, so I’m guessing that this will contribute to vast improvements in the translation engine, with time.

When you translate a block of text, there is a little link at the bottom, where you can offer your own suggestions:

translate text

And when you translate a URL, Google brings up the website, with its translated text, and if you hover your mouse over any sentence, Google will show a pop-up with the original text, and again, you can offer your own suggestions:

translate URL

(You’ll see those screenshots better if you click them to go to my Flickr site, and look at the big versions.)

The text in the screenshots above is from a site that talks about prostate conditions, that was only available in French. Not that I’ve had prostate issues on my mind lately or anything…

Thursday, February 07, 2008

I love Google. Just love ’em.

This post is just one big, long, nerdy love letter to Google.

When Google introduced their search engine, it revolutionized the internet. I have to say, I wasn’t very prescient, when they launched it. “Big deal,” I thought, “it’s just a search engine.” But it was a big deal; a search engine that actually made an effort to return relevant results, and was quick? At the time, that was revolutionary. Finding information on the internet became not easier, but possible. (The most common example that people use is a search for something like “breast cancer”—if you’d done a search like that, before Google came along, you’d get a million porn sites before you’d ever get to a relevant search result. And the search would take literally minutes to return, instead of coming back instantly, like Google does.) All search engines have gotten better, since Google was released, but they’ve been playing catch-up ever since. They may, some day, become as good as Google, but at the moment, that’s all they’re striving for.

If that’s all they’d done, create a great search engine, Google would have done a great service to the internet. But they didn’t stop there; you can do a lot of custom searches, too. For example:

And that’s just the regular Google search engine. But then they blew me away by creating a special site just for searching for images. And then, to make it even smarter, they combined image search results into the default search engine; search for a famous person, for example, and the first thing Google will show is image results. (I was going to put up a screenshot of a search for Lucy Liu, as an example, but one of the photos shown was kind of… racy.) And then they did the same thing for video. (e.g. you could do a search for videos on the internet with Lucy Liu.) I don’t think this took off that much, but still, it’s nice to have.

But the next product they released that really blew me away was Google Maps. At first, I didn’t realize how revolutionary it was—I was already a regular user of MapQuest, at the time, which I thought was great—except for the fact that you could link to a map, using a URL. (Other sites didn’t realize how useful that would be.) But then someone pointed out to me that you could actually click the maps, with your mouse, and drag them around. I couldn’t believe it. Being someone who worked with internet technologies for a living, including HTML and JavaScript, it never would have even occurred to me that you’d be able to do that. (It took people who didn’t know the technology to try it, and show me what you could do.) That was a defining moment, for me, when I realized just how smart the people at Google were. And since that time, they’ve continued to add improvement upon improvement to the map site: you can search for businesses or places that are close to your search destination; you can use the satellite view, to actually see satellite images of the area; you can use the terrain view, if you’re really interested in the geography of the area; you can actually overlay weather information, on top of the map; when you do trips, and Google picks out a route for you, you can actually drag the route line around, if you don’t quite like the way Google decided to do the trip for you; they have an API, that you can use to add your own places to the map (such as the map that the city of Guelph put on their website, for restaurants). Almost every time I use Google Maps, they’ve got a new feature, and it’s always a useful feature, and always easy to use.

They then came out with their video service, Google Video, which I thought was very cool, but in this instance, someone actually did a better job than Google: YouTube. So, of course, Google bought YouTube. (If you can’t beat ’em, buy ’em.) And, to their credit, Google doesn’t seem to have messed with YouTube, since they bought it; they saw that it was working, and they didn’t tinker with it.

And I’ve mentioned before the Google Books search engine. (Including a link to my own book.)

And then there is Google Docs. A search engine for documents on the internet? Oh no! A web-based tool for creating documents! Text documents, or spreadsheets, or even presentations. Not only can you create these documents, you can even collaborate on them—you can have two people working on the same document, at the same time. Plus, you can upload Word documents, or Excel spreadsheets, or PowerPoint presentations. (You can also upload OpenOffice documents or spreadsheets, although not OpenOffice presentation, at the time I wrote this.) At the time I wrote this, you couldn’t yet save these documents to your computer as Word docs or Excel spreadsheets—at least, not that I could see—but I’m sure that’s coming, too. Then again, they’re much more interested in online collaboration, as illustrated in the video Google created to explain why it’s such a cool tool.

I’ve also heard—although I haven’t really used it—that the Gmail service is pretty cool, too. It may not be as pretty as the new versions of Hotmail or Yahoo Mail, but it’s apparently very good at filtering out spam, and very easy to use.

So everything Google does seems to be very cool, very useful, and very open. If you want to use Google’s services from your website, in many cases you can with a simple link. And, if you’re a developer, you can do even more using their APIs. (Such as the city of Guelph did, in the example I mentioned above, or such as BibleMap.org did.)

In terms of technologies, Google has been careful to use very open and simple technologies—most of their pages are just good ol’ fashioned HTML—but they were also one of the first companies to really make good use of AJAX. People didn’t realize what a powerful technology that could be, until they started to see things that Google was doing with it, like in the maps site or in Gmail. It’s such a simple idea, and yet so powerful, that you can use Gmail and the browser can get additional data from the server, without having to reload the whole page.

I’ve heard, from numerous people, that Google only hires the best and the brightest. If it wasn’t for that, I’d be tempted to apply for a job with them, and move to the States, because almost everything they do is brilliant. As a former geek, and current nerd, it’s the type of thing I’d love to be involved with.

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

It wasn’t as bad as I’d feared—but I don’t recommend it.

So I had the cystoscopy.

Warning: This post will talk about the cystosopy. Most people will probably not want to read these graphic details about serna’s insides. Therefore, I will put a few paragraphs of Lorem Ipsum first; those of you who really want to read about this can skip the italicized paragraphs, and those of you who don’t want to read about this won’t have to accidentally see any of the details. (If you have a really big screen, and can see the non-italicized paragraphs even without scrolling, then just try to avert your gaze.)

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, ligula in ut leo non. Elit ipsum, sem lobortis sit malesuada id dignissim a, vulputate at bibendum ultricies in. Maecenas sollicitudin praesent et et, leo egestas eget vitae neque lacus iaculis, vel ipsum turpis erat nec etiam donec. Vestibulum penatibus nulla quisque, dolor nunc dolor vel diam mattis, primis vestibulum dui commodo, conubia varius dolor eu, sodales mauris. Reprehenderit erat ultricies habitasse habitant vel et, non eu fringilla. Et lectus. Urna vestibulum nunc nonummy quis fames dictumst, mauris conubia mauris luctus nulla praesent massa.

Felis vel eget risus dui sed, aliquet eget molestie dictumst sit ipsum sed. Aliquam tellus mi condimentum orci eu, wisi tellus egestas wisi augue quam, id turpis ante semper sagittis, ut diam dui justo, tempor in amet tempus semper. Aptent in. Diam egestas eget in, semper dignissim, ac ultricies lorem, feugiat turpis, officia rutrum tempor nulla ac orci nisl. Eget donec porta risus viverra tellus, dolor pulvinar nunc arcu pharetra, id magna fermentum. Vestibulum vitae in non mi leo, vitae amet justo dapibus sed sodales praesent, nec wisi in elit augue imperdiet mollis, dolor vel scelerisque non magna dignissim. Accumsan hymenaeos metus vestibulum felis per et. Vel nulla augue eleifend vivamus purus, sodales mollis erat viverra, a sagittis sodales quam in atque in, maecenas at a ut non. Amet at id vel, sit lectus tempus maecenas fermentum euismod. Ligula pellentesque lacus laoreet. Cursus pharetra, eget ullamcorper est posuere gravida.

Non malesuada magna ut vel tristique consectetuer, ullamcorper tortor viverra aliquam lacus pretium. Accumsan adipiscing velit ut pharetra placerat pellentesque, pulvinar eros quis in tortor sed aliquam. Dapibus non diam quam, in nonummy interdum. Scelerisque sodales aenean, sodales consectetuer mus, a gravida erat pede consectetuer. Pulvinar vulputate dui lacus hymenaeos. Lobortis id aliquet justo suscipit odio, sagittis molestie nec proin nec libero, orci cum mi elit, magnis arcu erat in proin rutrum, adipiscing orci nec massa fermentum ut. A dignissim vitae dolor tristique, scelerisque tempor natoque dolor, et officia leo semper est sed odio, libero duis nullam sapien ac nulla. Cras ut imperdiet morbi pede, in ac donec vestibulum a cras, nulla nam inventore nec, commodo cursus sit. Odio aliquam felis arcu sit arcu, ac mi id nullam vivamus maecenas placerat, wisi nibh placerat, accumsan dolor donec sit est, sunt metus a consectetuer aliquam mauris. Vivamus netus ullamcorper a maecenas arcu, id mauris viverra curabitur cras non pellentesque. Velit pede integer. At interdum sed, posuere sed in ipsum purus, aliquam nulla.

Diam quis vivamus sollicitudin. Unde ultricies porta porttitor, fermentum mauris nulla vel, neque sollicitudin ac mauris, lorem cum eu, nunc lobortis sed in condimentum. Eget dolor quam euismod malesuada, diam et duis fusce, ipsum odio orci euismod, aenean libero nisl conubia praesent, praesent pede donec. Molestie dignissim auctor laoreet, rutrum aliquam porttitor ut, metus tortor, ullamcorper hendrerit aliquam conubia, vestibulum vivamus in id nec orci scelerisque. Scelerisque tempus sodales nunc, vehicula placerat ligula. Erat alias duis, massa platea maecenas enim. Facilisis ut non tempus commodo eros diam, non nullam penatibus. Aenean augue quis eleifend tincidunt, mi ut commodo vel, consectetuer ultrices pulvinar, harum a arcu aute et praesent sed. Consectetuer arcu ut eget pharetra, sem nostra quam nulla at. Commodo in orci, tincidunt imperdiet adipiscing eu nec pellentesque, fermentum vel mauris nec urna erat in, egestas nulla donec sit. In mus ultrices ut erat, varius id, adipiscing amet eu felis nostra porttitor id, fames eu a magna, lacus mauris sem accumsan et etiam molestie. Aliquam sagittis curabitur rutrum, eu hac nec in quis.


There. Now let’s get to the good stuff!

After disrobing, and putting on the usual hospital gown, I was lain on a table, while a female nurse laid out all of the implements. When I saw the actual scope, I did my best not to think about it.

She then left the room, and a male nurse entered, and pulled up the gown, to clean me. I don’t know what kind of liquid he was using, but it wasn’t alcohol, luckily, because it didn’t burn. After he’d cleaned me, he got out a special piece of material that covered my body, with a hole in the middle, for my groin. He then picked up something that looked like a very small turkey baster. “Hmm,” I thought, “I wonder what he’s going to do with th— Yelp!” Without warning, he stuck it into the end of my penis, and filled it up with some kind of liquid. This was the freezing, so that I wouldn’t feel the scope so much. In terms of pain, this was the worst part of the procedure, because, of course, I wasn’t frozen yet. He then left the room, and left me alone with my thoughts for a few minutes.

While I was there alone, I was hoping that there would be some noticeable difference, so that I’d be able to tell that the anaesthetic was working, but there wasn’t any noticeable difference. I had a secret fear that it wouldn’t work, and the doctor would jam the scope in and I’d cry like a little girl. (Actually, I feared that I’d cry even if the freezing did work.)

The doctor came in, and I asked him a question that I should have thought to ask when he scheduled this procedure in the first place: The main thing he was going to look for in my bladder was scar tissue. What if he found some? What would happen? He gave me an answer that I didn’t like, which is that he’d have to put me under, and go in there and cut it out. If I heard him correctly—I may not have, because I wasn’t really at the top of my game—he had a special scope he could use, that had a knife on it, to go in there and get it. I sort of wish I hadn’t asked. (Spoiler alert: There was no scar tissue. Or at least, none worth worrying about.)

And with that, he got to work, and started feeding the scope in. It’s a very strange sensation; because of the freezing, there isn’t really any pain—or not much pain, anyway—but it is very, very uncomfortable. He asked me to relax, and I think I made a superhuman effort to do so, but the fact is, the scope is going the wrong way up that tube, and your body’s reaction is to try and push it back out from whence it came. A couple of times, when it would get to certain junctures, my body would seize up, and I’d have to force myself to relax again. The monitor was beside me, so I could watch the camera’s progress, but I didn’t want to; I just wanted to force myself to relax.

Once the camera got into my bladder—which, really, didn’t take that long at all—it was much easier to handle. I was able to look at the monitor, to see the inside of my bladder, which was interesting. (How many people get to see inside their own bladders? Not many, I bet.) But as he was moving the camera around, I could feel the scope moving around, and occasionally, it would get very uncomfortable again, and I would seize up again.

He showed me the places where the two tubes from my kidneys enter, and he said that they looked a little strange, but that would be a result of the bilateral re-implant I’d had, when I was younger. Nothing to worry about. As mentioned, there was a bit of scar tissue, but again, nothing to worry about, and nothing that he needed to take care of.

When he pulled the tube out, I almost didn’t even notice it. It still felt like it was in there. (In fact, for the rest of the day, and into the night, I occasionally got ghost feelings, of the thing being in there.) He decided that the issues I have with my bladder not emptying properly are probably a result of my prostate. I’m too young to be having these prostate issues, but apparently I do. (Then again, every step along the way seems to be trial and error, so maybe it till turn out to have nothing to do with my prostate.) He prescribed me some medication, which, as I say, is usually only prescribed to older men, which is supposed to help my prostate. There are some strange side effects that the medication can cause, but nothing serious.

And that’s where things lie right now. The pills aren’t supposed to take effect for a couple of days, but in a few weeks or so, I’ll get another appointment with the urologist, so that he can see if it’s making a difference, and my bladder is emptying properly.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Emmy Clip

For no reason whatsoever (except that I happened to come across it on YouTube), I thought I’d post this. This is Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert presenting at the Emmy Awards. (I don’t know what year this was.)

Enjoy.

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Buck Rogers

A long time ago, I wrote about an episode of Buck Rogers that I’d watched, where they encounter a Vorvon. And when I wrote that, I said this:

Similarly, during any of the scenes with the vampire, Erin [Gray] was doing this weird, shuddery style breathing. For me, that will always represent what a person should sound like, when s/he is scared of a vampire. (So you should probably try and find a copy of this episode, and watch it, just in case you ever happen to encounter one. You don’t want to be unprepared.)
Which was really stupid. I should have just gone to YouTube, and found a clip for you. Like this.

But while I was playing around on YouTube, I found some other Buck Rogers clips. And most interesting of all, I found the intro from the pilot.

To get the full effect, first watch the intro from the series:

That’s what the intro was for the TV show. Now, when you’re ready for your mind to be blown, take a gander at the intro from the original pilot/movie.

My first thought, after seeing it: What the hell was that?!? What’s with all of the women rolling around on the ground? (And why for so long?)

But you know what’s the most embarrassing part? A few years ago, I did a guitar solo for a Jehovah Shalom song called Even Moreyou can listen to it here—and parts of that solo sound a lot like the music for this Buck Rogers intro. Is it possible that I’ve seen this before, and when I was coming up with my guitar solo, it popped out of my subconscious? I hope not. Of all of the things to rip off, I’d prefer if it wasn’t this…

Another Facebook Article

What, another one? Yes, another one. How Facebook Exposed Us All as Freaks, from Wired.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Another kidney update. (Although, really, it’s not about the kidneys anymore.)

When you get tired of hearing about my innards, let me know. (And I’ll ignore you, and keep writing about it.)

I went to the urologist yesterday. He confirmed, based on the effectiveness of the antibiotics I’ve been taking, that my symptoms were probably being caused by an infection of some kind. So I’ll finish the antibiotics, and then my symptoms should be gone.

I was also happy that he doesn’t seem worried about my kidneys at all. That’s the part of my body I was most worried about.

Unfortunately, he does want to have a look at my bladder. (Note: another detail about serna’s internal organs will be coming up in the next sentence.) Because it doesn’t seem to be fully emptying, when I urinate, he’s wondering if there might be some scar tissue in there, from the operation I had when I was younger. (That operation is mentioned in this post.) That scar tissue might be preventing it from emptying fully, and may also be what caused my infection in the first place.

Now, what do I mean when I say that he wants to “take a look at it”? Unfortunately, I mean just that. He wants to get a camera in there, and take a look around. And how does one get a camera into someone’s bladder? I can think of two ways:

  1. One could cut the person open, and put the camera in that way. This is a bad idea, because you’d cause more damage getting the camera in than you’d fix by getting the camera’s results.
  2. One could get a long tube, and stick it into the bladder, via the penis. This is also a bad idea, because it involves sticking a TUBE into the person’s PENIS. The penis is not meant to be a conduit for cameras.
Unfortunately for me, these are the only two choices, so it’s option 2 for me. (I believe this procedure is called a cystoscopy.) I’ve actually had this done, before, when I was much younger. I don’t have any real memories of the experience, except that it was… ahem… not pleasant. It’s probably not a good sign that my mind has blocked out any concrete memories of the experience, eh? My urologist assured me that they use fiber optics, these days, which makes the tubes narrower, so it won’t be as bad as it was when I was a child. On the other hand, he also says that I won’t be “getting in line to have it done again” either.

Friday, January 25, 2008

America owns the world

I found a couple of articles from Noam Chomsky today. They’re both along the same lines.

  • Chomsky on World Ownership—This is an interview conducted by Michael Shank, for Foreign Policy in Focus
  • We Own The World—This is an actual article, written by Chomsky, along the same theme as the interview above.
The article is longer than the interview, so if you only have a few minutes to spare, read the interview, but if you have time to think about this a bit more deeply, I recommend the article.

I should point out that the title of this post is intentionally ironic—I don’t really believe that America owns the world. (Regardless of what they believe.)

South Park trailers

These are both pretty old, but I was thinking about them on the ride in this morning, so I thought I’d put them here.

First, South Park Star Wars:

Next, South Park—Matrix:

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Kidney Update

So here’s the deal:

A few weeks ago, I noticed some strange symptoms. They were all… well, let’s just say they all had to do with urine, and leave it at that. You can thank me at your leisure, for sparing you the details. I figured it was probably a bladder infection.

I went to the doctor, but he didn’t concur. He thought it was probably kidney stones, instead. We did some tests—including a urine test, some x-rays, and an ultrasound—and the tests didn’t really show anything. The urine test didn’t show any bacteria—at least, not anything that was out of the ordinary—and neither did the x-rays or ultrasound show any “big” stones, all of which was normal. So he assured me that the stone would just pass on its own. (He made it sound like a pretty innocuous process; “one day you’ll be going to the bathroom, the flow will suddenly be interrupted, and then you’ll hear a little ‘ping’ when the stone hits the toilet.” He didn’t mention the excruciating pain that most people think of, when they think of kidney stones.) So I went home, content that I knew what the problem was, and mentally preparing myself for a world of pain.

And then nothing happened. And then my symptoms seemingly started to get better. So I went back to him again, to find out if he was sure it was a kidney stone. And he said, based on the symptoms, that he was still sure, and that the stone had probably passed. (Which I wrote about, because I was overjoyed that I’d been spared the pain.) He told me that the stones will cause some minor damage to your insides, so the symptoms I still had would eventually pass. We also talked about an operation I’d had on my kidneys, when I was 2½. He wanted me to get some more information about the nature of that operation, and come and see him in another week, and confirm if my symptoms were gone. While I was there, he also checked my prostate, and confirmed that it was fine, too.

But the symptoms didn’t go away. In fact, soon after I spent another sleepless night, running back and forth to the toilet every couple of minutes. So I went back to him again. (Actually, this time I just called him.) He promised to get me a referral to a urologist, and I don’t remember the exact wording, but he said he’d try and do it quickly. This was a Monday.

I called his office again on Tuesday, to find out if the appointment was made. But I found out that there is only one nurse who does referrals, and she was out sick. Was there nobody else who could do it, in her absence? No. No there was not. So finally, on Friday, she came in, and faxed the referral to the specialist. Which meant another few days for the specialist to get back to her, for her to get back to me. But I found out on the following Wednesday—that’s a week and a half after I’d been promised to get my appointment quickly—that they’d made my appointment. For March.

So I’ve gone back to my doctor again, and asked him if there is anything he can do in the meantime. I’m worried because if this is a problem with my kidneys, I don’t want it to linger—I want to find out soon, and get it fixed. So we’ve decided, for the time being, to treat it as an infection. (Whether bladder infection, kidney infection, or prostititis, which is some kind of infection of the prostate, doesn’t matter. You treat them all the same: with antibiotics.) If it turns out that it is an infection, and the antibiotics work, then all the better. Personally—and I think my doctor agrees with me on this—I’d be much happier if my original urine test had showed some bacteria, to indicate that it was an infection.

So now I’m waiting for the antibiotics to work (if they will). In the meantime, I’m getting dehydrated, because I’m urinating so much that any fluids I drink are just going right through me. I’m also sick of cranberry juice. (I think I wrote that before.) I’m also missing coffee. (I think I wrote that before, too.) But I’ve decided to start coming back to the office, when I can. When I wake up, and it’s a “good day”, I’ll come in, but if it’s a “bad day”, I’ll work from home. And that’s the frustrating thing about my symptoms: Even if I feel really good, it doesn’t necessarily mean anything, because a few hours later I could be peeing like crazy again.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Waffles

For Christmas, my parents got Andrea and I a George Foreman Grill, which has removable plates. (The plates are actually dishwasher safe, which is great.) One set of plates is for making waffles, and we were keen to try them out. So I went online on the weekend, and found a waffle recipe that looked good, and decided to give it a try.

I’d never made waffles before, so I wasn’t sure how it would turn out. Unfortunately, it turned out badly. The waffles were sticking to the plates, so when you’d open the grill up, you’d end up with the top sticking to the top half, the bottom sticking to the bottom half, and the in-between parts not really cooked properly. It was awful. And the second batch was even worse than the first batch; Andrea and I spent a good ten minutes trying to scrape the gunk off of the grill plates.

But I did some research, and I found three things that I’d done wrong:

  • I didn’t spray the grill with cooking spray. I didn’t figure I’d have to, because they’re supposed to be non-stick plates, but I think I should have anyway.
  • I stirred the mix too much. I found out after (from my mom) that for waffles, and also for pancakes, you’re not supposed to stir the mix too much; you just get it mixed, and then leave it. Whereas I was stirring it for a long time, and then, when I was waiting for the waffles to cook, I’d keep stirring it, from time to time. Whoops.
  • I took them out too soon. The George Foreman Grill instructions said that you should cook waffles for about 3–5 minutes, whereas I cooked mine for 10–15. But when I took them off the grill, they were still steaming, and instructions I found later say that you should wait until they’re done steaming, before you take them off the waffle iron.
That last point is pretty reflective of all of the cooking that I do. If I find a recipe for salmon, and it says that the fish will take ten minutes to cook, I can be guaranteed that it will take at least forty. Which is odd, because my oven is actually hotter than it indicates, so I always have to turn it to a slightly lower temperature than instructions tell me. (Pizzas always take less time to cook than the box indicates.) And the instructions for the George Foreman Grill are like that too; anything that I’ve cooked has taken at least twice as long as what the instructions say it will.

Anyway, back to the point. Last night I tried again, using the same recipe, but spraying the grill plates with cooking spray, not stirring the mix too much, and leaving them in until they finished steaming. (They were actually still steaming a bit, but not much. I didn’t want them to burn.) And they came out great.

In the future, we might start making waffles for a treat, instead of pancakes, which is what we’ve been using for our “fun” dinners.

Still under the weather

Here, let me show you something:

100_2661

You know what that is? It’s a coffee grinder. You put coffee beans in it, and it grinds them down for you, so that you can put the coffee in your coffee maker. Do you see the beans at the top? I put those there just after Christmas. And then I got sick, and decided that I shouldn’t be drinking coffee. So the beans are still sitting there. Lonely. Wishing they could be ground up, and have hot water poured over them, to make coffee. But they can’t.

You want to see something else? Here:

100_2663

Do you know what that is? Of course you do. It’s a carton of Egg Nog. I bought that just after Christmas, too. And then I got sick, and, just like the coffee, I decided that I probably shouldn’t be drinking it, if I’m having urinary issues. (You probably can’t make out the expiry date, from that picture, but it expired 11 days before I wrote this post.) It’s too bad, because I love egg nog, and always have. But they only sell it around the Christmas/New Year timeframe.

Actually, it’s doubly bad, because I discovered, during the Christmas holidays, that if you combine the two—coffee using egg nog instead of cream/milk—it tastes really good. I was very much enjoying this holiday treat. Until I got sick.

This post sounds very pathetic, like I’m feeling sorry for myself, but I’m not. My symptoms are still very mild, and I don’t have any pain. I just wish I could get an appointment with the specialist, so that I could find out what’s wrong with me.

Monday, January 21, 2008

How Email Brings You Closer to the Guy in the Next Cubicle

I read an interesting article on Wired today, with the title given above. As someone who works from home on a regular basis—especially when he’s got physical problems which are probably not kidney stones, but must be something—I found it very interesting.

Speaking only for myself, I agree with the article. For myself, even if I were working from home 100% of the time, I’d still want to live in Toronto. If I were to move anywhere, it would be downtown, which would bring me closer to work.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Kidney stones redux

Or maybe I spoke too soon. Based on the fact that my symptoms aren’t going away as quickly as we’d like, my doctor is making an appointment for me with a urologist. (A pee doctor—although I bet they hate being called that.)

Maybe I never had a kidney stone at all. Maybe there’s something completely different wrong with me. (Or maybe there’s nothing wrong with me at all, and my urinary system is just a rebel, that doesn’t play by the rules. Don’t try to tell me how to evacuate liquids, old man! Don’t lay your “urine shouldn’t be cloudy” trip on me!)

Monday, January 14, 2008

The kidney stone(s)

Well, I have good news, and I have abso-friggin-wonderful news. The good news is that the kidney stone seems to have passed. The wondertastic news is that there was no pain. I either had a very, very small stone, that didn’t do too much damage, or the stone broke apart before passing. Either way, it’s a better outcome than I ever could have hoped for.

(Especially after all of the horror stories I’ve heard about how painful kidney stones are. And if you want an idea why, take a look around for pictures of the things; they’re nasty looking. I’d be nervous holding one in my hand, for fear of cutting myself, let alone having it wander around in my innards…)

I still have some of the urinary symptoms—the doctor says that it can take a while for them to go away—but everything seems good. I’m going to go back and see him this week, for a checkup, and just to set everyone’s mind at rest that all really is well. While I was there, he even checked my prostate—the “procedure” isn’t as bad as people say (although I wouldn’t recommend it)—and all is well there, too.

There is one potential cloud on the horizon, though: When I was young (about two and a half), I had an operation on my kidneys, and he wants to get more details about that. I talked to my mom, and apparently the urethras weren’t at the right angle, or something, and they had to be reconnected. So I may or may not have to get more tests done, just to be sure that nothing else is wrong. The doctor says that he wants to avoid such tests, if necessary, because they can be “invasive”. (Why do I get the feeling that I might not be out of the woods quite yet? Perhaps the celebrations are a bit premature…)

Thursday, January 10, 2008

The Untold Story: How the iPhone Blew Up the Wireless Industry

This isn’t really a post, per se, so much as a link to an article on Wired that I found interesting.

Enjoy.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

“I’m tired of the waiting game! Let’s play Hungry, Hungry Hippos!”

International Spy MuseumOur trip to the States was pleasant, but uneventful, so I don’t have much to write about it. Except that we visited the International Spy Museum, which was interesting. (Not $18US worth of interesting, but interesting.) We also went to Washington D.C. and looked around. Unfortunately, we forgot the camera; can you tell that these pictures are of the capital and the Washington Monument? Neither can I.

Capital
Washington Monument

(Well, I guess you can tell which one’s the Washington Monument. It’s pretty recognizable.)

We didn’t bother stopping by the White House, or doing any other site-seeing. We just took the Metro, which dropped us off in the middle of the Mall, and that’s where I took those pictures from; if you look one way, you see the capital, and the other way, you see the monument. Most of our time was spent in the Smithsonian, which is free. Unlike the Spy Museum, which is not.

We also got to play with a GPS navigation system, which was fun. So fun that we’re going to buy one. (One of Andrea’s American cousins can hook us up with a good one, for cheap.)

And then I got home, and for some reason, I noticed that I was peeing an awful lot. And there were some other symptoms, which I won’t bore you with, that led me to think that it might be a bladder infection. So I finally broke down and went to the doctor’s, and found out that it’s probably not. It’s probably kidney stones. (Luckily, my doctor had a better idea of what my symptoms meant than I did.) What does one do about kidney stones? Well, in most cases, one simply waits for the stones to pass. One spends most of one’s day in front of the toilet, because one’s bladder is so desperate to get rid of the foreign object that it’s making one urinate constantly, and waits for the stone to come out. One also drinks so much cranberry juice that one is sick to death of the sight, smell, and taste of it.

(Have you ever had cranberry juice? I’m not talking crantinis, or cranberry cocktail, or some kind of fruit juice that has cranberry juice in it; I’m talking about cranberry juice. Organic, unsweetened, juice from cranberries. It’s bitter, foul-tasting stuff. I’m drinking a mixture that’s about 80% water, and 20% juice, and it’s still nasty.)

I’m led to believe that passing this stone is going to be one of the more painful experiences in my life. I can’t wait to write about it.