Monday, November 05, 2007

Movie Review: Transformers

I saw Transformers last weekend. I didn’t like it. In fact, I thought the movie was terrible. I thought it was long, boring, and poorly written. It went something like this:

  1. Scene with lots of terrible, poorly written dialog, which goes on much, much longer than it should.
  2. A sudden chaotic flurry of action, which happens so fast you can’t tell what’s going on.
  3. Repeat ad nauseum
Now, I know what you’re probably going to say. You’re probably going to tell me that you disagree. In fact, you’re probably going to tell me in very strong terms. How do I know this? Because I’ve already had this conversation numerous times. It goes something like this:

“I didn’t like Transformers. In fact, I thought the movie was terrible. I thought it was long, boring, and poorly written.”

gasp splutter “You what?!? You didn’t like—

“How… How could you not like…

“That’s my favourite movie! It’s the best movie ever made! I’m naming my first born Transformer!

“What the heck is wrong with you, that you didn’t like Transformers?!?”

About this time, I have to take a step back, because the spittle is starting to hit my face, and I get worried about some of it dripping down onto my shirt.

So if you really feel the need to leave a comment, and tell me that I’m an idiot for not liking Transformers, go ahead. But don’t expect me to suddenly change my mind, and think that the piece of crap called Transformers was actually worth watching. Ain’t gonna happen.


Anonymous said...

I might be the only person to agree with you but the movie was boring. Plus, every damn person of colour was portrayed as silly, a jester, etc. Not pleasing.

Here's what should have happened, at the very least: the girl should have been the hero instead of the sidekick. She was smarter and better to look at. The boy should have died half way through trying to save Bumblebee. That could have infuriated the girl and launched her into her heroics.

And finally, the boy and the girl shouldn't have made out on Bumblebee because that was simply gross. He's a person too.

Anonymous said...

This may be akin to saying the porn movie you've rented lacks a quality performance from the actors and a convincing back story. Let's face it, we were just looking for one thing, and it wasn't an Oscar winning performance from the little shit playing lead. Explosions? Check. Loud noise? Check. Cool looking CGI? Check. Nuff said? No, it WAS really long. I agree with that.

David Hunter said...

I have to disagree with the “Cool looking CGI” part; the action scenes were so chaotic that the Transformers were nothing but blurs. I could never tell what was going on, during the action scenes.

Using the porn movie analogy, you’re right, it would be silly to rent porn and then complain about the acting. But you’d be justified to complain about the porn, if it was bad. I’m not judging Transformers as “art”, I’m judging it as an “action movie”, and according to that criteria, it failed.

Anonymous said...

Really? Blurry? Do you need your eyes checked again? Other than the scenes where it was supposed to be blurry (things that move ultra-fast aren't supposed to look sharp on film) I thought it was pretty good.

Failure as an action movie noted. Although I think it was just supposed to be "eye-porn" for fan boys.