What If People Bought Cars Like They Buy Computers?

Another joke post.

General Motors doesn’t have a help line for people who don’t know how to drive, because people don’t buy cars like they buy computers, but imagine if they did…

• Help Line
• General Motors Help Line, how may I help you?
• Customer
• I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened!
• Help Line
• Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?
• Customer
• What’s an ignition?
• Help Line
• It’s a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine.
• Customer
• Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all these technical terms just to use my car?

• Help Line
• General Motors Help Line, how may I help you?
• Customer
• Hi, I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power brakes, and power door locks.
• Help Line
• Thanks for buying our car. How may I help you?
• Customer
• How do I work it?
• Help Line
• Do you know how to drive?
• Customer
• Do I know how to what?
• Help Line
• Do you know how to drive?
• Customer
• I’m not a technical person, I just want to go places in my car!

• Help Line
• General Motors Help Line, how may I help you?
• Customer
• Your cars suck.
• Help Line
• What’s wrong?
• Customer
• Mine crashed, that’s what’s wrong.
• Help Line
• What were you doing?
• Customer
• I wanted it to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the way to the floor. It worked for a while and then it crashed and it won’t start now!
• Help Line
• It’s your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do you expect us to do about it?
• Customer
• I want you to send me the latest version that doesn’t crash anymore!

• Help Line
• General Motors Help Line, how may I help you?
• Customer
• My car ran for a week, and now it won’t go anywhere!
• Help Line
• Is the gas tank empty?
• Customer
• Huh? How do I know?
• Help Line
• There’s a little gauge on the front panel with a needle and markings from ‘E’ to ‘F’. Where is the needle pointing?
• Customer
• It’s pointing to ‘E’. What does that mean?
• Help Line
• It means you have to visit a gasoline vendor and purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself or pay the vendor to install it for you.
• Customer
• What? I paid $22,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with everything built in!