U.S. Shooting Down a Spy Satellite

As you may already have heard, the U.S. has a malfunctioning spy satellite, and they’ve decided to shoot it down. They’re afraid that it’s going to come crashing down on its own, and perhaps release some toxic gas in the process.

Unfortunately, I just found out today where the debris will be coming down, when they shoot that satellite down: Canada. The Great White North. My F’ing country. The U.S. is going to shoot down a spy satellite, and the pieces are going to land on me and my countrymen.